Perigee Fund Director of Communications Edward Lee reflects on fatherhood, mental health, and the importance of ensuring fathers have the support they need to show up for their children and families.
Father’s Day reminds us to celebrate the dads who help children grow, feel safe, and know they are loved. But celebration should not keep us from seeing what many fathers are carrying in silence. I became a father in February 2020, in the last quiet days before the world shut down. Within weeks, what should have been a season of family, community, and support became one marked by isolation and fear.
Those early months were emotionally chaotic. I was learning how to care for a newborn while trying to support my wife and make sense of a frightening new world. I wanted to be steady, but inside I often felt anxious, overwhelmed, and alone.
At the time, I thought I was just exhausted. Looking back, I can now see what I did not fully understand then: I was struggling with depression. Fatherhood brought me face to face with parts of myself I had not yet healed.
Fatherhood brought deep joy. It also brought loneliness and emotional weight I was not prepared to name. Like many fathers, I struggled quietly.
At Perigee Fund, we support organizations working to strengthen infant and early childhood mental health by investing in the relationships that shape a child’s earliest development. When caregivers are responsive, nurturing, and emotionally available, children build the foundation for healthy social, emotional, and cognitive development.
This is not a call to shift attention away from mothers. Maternal mental health remains a public health crisis, and mothers deserve far more support than they currently receive. But supporting fathers is not in competition with supporting mothers. It is part of supporting the whole caregiving environment around a child.
There’s no doubt that many of today’s dads are showing up in ways previous generations often could not. Yet many still report feeling invisible within systems designed to support families. In prenatal visits, pediatric appointments, home visiting programs, and postpartum supports, fathers are too often treated as secondary caregivers instead of essential members of the family system.
Studies show that fathers’ depression, anxiety, and stress during pregnancy and the early years of a child’s life are associated with poorer developmental outcomes for children, including social-emotional, cognitive, language, and physical development. Up to 15 percent of dads experience these perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.
Healthy, present fathers can have an impact that stretches across a lifetime. Recent research found that positive father involvement during infancy uniquely predicted better heart and metabolic health outcomes for children years later.
In Washington state, we are encouraged by new resources to improve behavioral outcomes for children and caregivers, including fathers. The state’s new Washington Thriving Strategic Plan provides a roadmap for strengthening behavioral health supports from before birth through age 25. Legislation passed this year helps move that plan toward implementation by creating stronger coordination and leadership across the children and youth behavioral health system. The plan both strengthens our fractured mental health system while addressing the maternal mortality crisis, which helps dads and families alike.
Washington has also become a national leader in supporting fathers through its Paid Family and Medical Leave program. Nearly half of parental leave claims in the program’s early years were made by fathers, a great sign for gender equity. By the third year of implementation, a majority of eligible new parents were estimated to be receiving benefits, showing that when dads have access to paid leave, they lean into that role. In fact, more fathers are taking paid parental leave in Washington than in any other state.
Still, much more can be done.
Supporting fathers’ mental health should become a routine part of supporting families. Health care providers can include fathers in conversations about emotional well-being during pregnancy and the postpartum period. Community organizations can create spaces where fathers feel welcomed and connected. Employers can continue expanding family-friendly policies that allow fathers to be present for both caregiving and their own health needs. And all of us can challenge the outdated notion that fathers are secondary caregivers rather than essential partners in raising healthy children.
Fathers do not need to be perfect. They do not need to have all the answers. But they do need support.
This Father’s Day, let’s celebrate the fathers who show up for their children every day. But let’s also see the struggles many carry quietly. Supporting fathers’ mental health is not a distraction from supporting mothers; it is part of building a stronger circle of care around every child. When mothers thrive, children thrive. When fathers thrive, children thrive. And when families thrive, entire communities benefit.